How to get out of guilt and be normal?

I am 15 years old. I have some recent problems in my life? Now I feel like a lunatic, like I got paranoia or shizophrenia. I have bad friends, no true friends. They are acting crazy and stupid in school. After spending the times with them I have realized that I am starting to be a lunatic. I think they stupify me. I have bad grades, I starting to feel like I am eccentric person but infact I act normally unlike other people. Which draws me to another conclusion that most of other people are crazy and I am the among the most normal. I was a fool when I was younger but I was not a full fool, I was conscious and knew what I did. Last years I feel like a invalid, like I got memory lack, I can't finish something, I feeled stupid, I lost creativity. I think that I am crazy inside, but normal outside. But the stupid thing is that no one recognizes me to be crazy, except they say I am a retard which is false and misconcepted belief among friends. My guilt is irrational and I think it destroys my personality and self-esteem. I feel neglected. The friends I visit in school are s, they just laugh, make nonesense, stupify themselves, humiliate others and make my day worser. I feel against myself, like I want to banish myself I see often others and think that I am the worst. I did ual things which make me guilty, I sucked my male organ, I have a asymmetrical maybe from masturbation, I got asymmetrical testicles which is weird, I have pubic hair loss which is disguisting, I feel like I ruined my body, I feel like ill, but there are others who are ill, I have problems with my mentality, it's because of the idiotic society in which I live, school friends actually. I try to think positive in order to be normal, but I can't I only think of deaths, tragedies and failure. I seem I cannot accept myself, I cannot accept myself that I am discriminated and beaten (mentally) from the idiots. I feel mindless. But I can't even accept worse. There is worse, there are people who cutted their male organ, there are s who suck others male organ, there are castrated males, there are people that are chronically insane. I have some visual pictures about something that makes me distracted, I hear songs. Among society, I am sometimes anxious, I am anxious, neurotic. I feel in a society as the most low level valued person, I respect others but no one has something human in themselfs. Among the society the most honest person. How can I get out of this irrational, stupifying, crazy, self-destructing mentality and be like others. And not to be bothered with the "demons" in my head. How can I be normal inside and to be normal do I have to get out of a crazy society? And I need to banish my stupid guilt.