Should i go back to church on Sunday?

Okay, I'm the black female college student that left church almost nine months ago bc I didn't feel accepted in my predominately white upper middle cl church. I grew up in this church and their hasn't been a day since I left that I haven't thought about them. Also the dean resigned bc of disagreements with the chapter. He's on sabbatical and his last official day is new years eve. My church is currently going thru a reconciliation process which I'm not sure what they're doing bc ice been going. A few months after I left I heled the dean pack and haven't heard from him since that hurts me. I kinda like him but I think its more of a father figure that I never had. I never acted on it and don't plan to. I think his fam is still there. I'm not sure about him. I don't think his wife really likes me which hurts. I'm really sensitive and spend a lot of time think about, yzing. ABC cryint over past hurts from the church but there are good times to like I got a lot of high sch grad presents etc. Tge last 3 yes I was there I was very sad and ppl kept asking me what was wrong and if smile and say nothunt but I thought it was ironic that thek couldn't see it was them. I've suffered from depression and anxiety for almost half of my life but I don't really tell Anyone. I don't have any friend except for my mom and bro. I'm lonely and sad and have missed a lot of cles this semester. Please don't tell me to get help bc I already have it. I'm on meds and have talked this thing to dealth in therapy. I'm just looking for a diff perspective. And thank you for answering all of my questions!